eternally forty-nine

thanks you once again for all your kind words and well wishes.

i got some privately this time, and they mean so much to me.

my health seems to be fakking and at rapid rate, and i don't know how much time i have left. i am going to be doing my darnedest to fight this off...but as you know my days are numbered. i will write next time i collect my thoughts together.

yesterday was wonderful. i felt like a queen for a day. the memories boxes were especially wonderful....fulled with things like lasting memmories....

the whole reality

its been two weeks of reality
i am wheepy all the time
friends are on vacation,
i miss them dearly
i can scarcely hold them
we talk everyday

my whole world is falling in me
and its happening too fast
its only been 10 months
from surgery to this shit
pleez tell it to slow down

thank you shawn for my healing bracelet
:o)

the word is not good

big alwhe

Faye

i only just got off
the phone with faye
my dear and trusted
neurologist
she asked what she could do
for me,
i told her to just
'tell me the truth'

i asked her does all this mean
'the beginning of the end'
she hemmed and hawed a little
but said yes, it does.

i didn't dare ask her
a time frame.
i just could't

i will see her today
she asked if we will be around
later in the day to see my
dr. mcdreamy, aka: dr kader,
for his evaluation.

then, who knows?

one thing is for certain:
a family meeting is a must.
but with zack being at bad camp all week,
zoe is growing suspicios at all my tears.
i must keep them at bay until thursday

shit, this sucks.
BIG time!

not-so-good-news

the past few weeks have
been tough on me
even tho i go to the gym
started working on those
gosh darn machines,
for legs & arms
i even took walking tours of philly
but
i can't seem to turn the corner
i continue to shake, wobble and roll

well it just so happened
that i had a Dr D appointment
and an MRI this week.
he said he was concerned
about my right-side weakness
and other deficits...

turns out he was right,
and so was faye when rick spoke
with her
they won't know unless we
biopsy it
it just looks like a mass
for now.

they all agreed to put me back
on decadron (the steroids)
because while all agree
it wrecks havoc on my body,
it certainly helps to reduce
the inflamation in my brain

i was soooo not ready for this!
i was bouyed by all your prayers
and loving thoughts.
please oh please
keep me in them tonite

big, phat phun in philly!

rick and i got out of dodge,
and high-tailed to philly.
i had been looking forward
to this for some time,
to see king tut exhibition,
univ of penn
with their outstanding
archeology and anthroplogy museum
have cheez steaks
see where it *all* happened
over two hundred years ago.

we ate great
we saw lots of stuff,
even took an hour long
carriage ride thruout the old city
rittenhouse park and society hill
but best part was
the view
from our hotel window
up on the 22nd floor!
(i kid you not,
we had nothing to do with it)
we looked down at an old cathedral
with the rest of the city
sprawling behind it
it was a most
inspiring sight

but it was hard for me,
i was all wobbley
unsteady on my feet.
we walked and walked
till i could walk no more
hence the carriage ride
and plenty of taxis

it was nice to be away
all snuggled up
in our king sized bed.
the sheets were cool
against our skin
bodies intertwined

what a great adventure
it turned out to be
we laughed a lot
saw lots of fun things,
both on the road less travelled,
which we prefer
and the ones where all the tourists
seemed to be.

it was all good!