a subtle understanding*

i am at the end (beginning?) of a long tunnel
my perspective is lengthened
by the vast division i feel between ME
and the-rest-of-the-world
i feel so detached,
so seperated by a lifetime of differences
cultural, medical, economic, dysfunctional and abusive.

here's to those that blossomed
under the best of conditions
and those of us that did not
i will basque in your light
and find strength there

i must stay strong

treading water frantically
lonely in a crowd of people,
my life may be ending
within a year or two
i feel further away than ever

i am watching you all
from waaaay over here,
and see the chasm between us
growing ever wider.

i never had the opportunity
to feel tethered
grounded
held firm
protected

i thought i did
but i see i was wrong.
so its one big, long, vast expanse
the deeper i get
the further i go from here
the more comfort i feel there,
waiting for me on the other side

a collective of souls
all reminding me to be
patient and realistic
understand my gifts
and limitations
a quiet inner resolve
giving me strength
and a sharper focus
my hungry heart must be filled



*originally published: aug 20, 2006